Homo In The City was created to share the trials and tribulations of being a young, gay professional in the city of Washington, DC. Having been a Washingtonian now for enough time to call the city my home, you can look forward to biased content slandering gay Republicans, the Hill, DC Interns, those twinks who throw up after almost every meal, and those annoying 40-year-old men who insist on buying you a drink. Welcome to Homo In The City.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

This Week [In Pictures]

Kevin Goes Country

So on Saturday night, I decided to try something new for a change. Dildo, you ask? No. Gay country western bar. Location: Capital Hill. Let's take a moment to take that all in [Gay country western bar on Capital Hill]

Loved the bathroom signage!

Kevin Spies Communist Metro Propoganda!

Well, I'm glad WMATA [link] finds it necessary to advertise the TERRORIST ALERT levels on the Metro platforms. If they didn't, I probably would forget. Not that we don't see them on the news on daily basis. Doesn't Fox News permanently display it on their sidebar? [Hmmm]

Kevin Finds Cure for Homosexuality!

Conservative Southern college not solving your homosexuality issues? Reading Santorum's book not helping either?? Well, do I have the solution for you! [THAT'S RIGHT, THE RUG DOCTOR!] Rent him for 1 hour and your rug techniques are guaranteed to improve five fold!

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Kevin Back [In The City]

Kevin is now back [In The City] after traveling on business all last week. SO, that means new posts to come \o/

PS - Did I tell you I saw Tucker Carlson crossing the effing Chain Bridge [ON FOOT] on Friday??? I was so in shock [and disgust] that I didn't have time to snap a good photo [damnit!]

But, I do have some good ones to share from this past weekend. Here's a preview: lesbianic rug services, homoerotic bathroom signs, and [everyone's favorite] Chinese communist Metro propoganda!

Your Homo In the City,

Friday, September 15, 2006

Hottest Man Alive Talks Cock Size, Sister [In The City] to Face Judicial Charges

I hope people are thinking about my work a little bit more than they're thinking about the size of my schlong. Not to say that they shouldn't.


In other BREAKING news, Sister [In The City] to face 2nd college judicial hearing this year...

Dear Sister [In The City]:

I am writing this letter to inform you that a complaint has been brought against you for possible violation of the following provision(s) of the Code of Student Conduct:

  • Quiet hours
  • Illegal drugs
  • Alcohol

    A Pre-Hearing Interview has been scheduled and a copy of the Incident Report will be available for your review at the Pre-Hearing. At that time you will have an opportunity to accept or deny responsibility for the complaint. Should you accept responsibility; an Administrative Disposition will be held. Should you not accept responsibility; the matter may be referred to the University Judicial Board.

    Damn college kids! [Will you ever learn to stop drinking, smoking pot, and having rough sex during quiet hours!!]

    Your Homo In The City,

  • Metrosexuals, Interns, Slutty EX-BFs to be Condemned to Hell

    Any gay male [or straight woman for that matter] understands just how confusing Metrosexuals are. As if seeing them on the streets isn't confusing enough [nevermind being forced to work in the same office with one] Having said that, I'd like to share today's [typical] convo between me and our Metrosexual Intern.

    9 AM
    (Having just battled DC traffic, Kevin enters office victorious)

    (MetroIntern observes Kevin's fabulous outfit, tie [and 95% probability] his butt too)

    MetroIntern: Tie today huh? Off-site meeting, off-site client meeting? (Refrains from commenting on butt as that just might push TOO many boundaries)

    [Kevin] Nah, more like 2nd to last day here..
    (Immune to the comments at this point)

    MetroIntern: You know, you should give me your contact info, I may want to hire you some day..
    MetroIntern: Or you may want to hire me..

    (Kevin gossips to Coworker)

    [Kevin's Coworker later] Hire the MetroIntern? You know, that'd really depend on the amount of manual labor involved for the job..
    [Kevin] Yeah, I think it really would depend on the hand job at hand.

    12 PM
    (Kevin schvitzing his balls off)

    [Kevin] It's a little hot up here don't you think?
    MetroIntern: Yea, it is.
    [Kevin] I'm gonna open a window..

    (Kevin opens window)

    MetroIntern: (Referring to his hotness [and 95% probability] wanting to flat out jump Kevin's bones at this point) Would you like me to leave?

    Umm [what] who actually says this shit out loud??

    In other BREAKING news, I recently learned my exBF is now dating some random guy -- not too long after the divorce [call me just a LITTLE suspicious] The kicker, he's not very good-looking and is going bald [LOL] Somehow, I think I made out better in the break-up/alimony/spoils department.

    Don't you find it funny who people date post-yourself? Feels kinda good when you know they've down-graded though right? Or is that better put [makes you care less about the entire relationship in general]

    Tempting to post their new online couple picture [All reasonable bribes will be considered]

    Your Homo In The City,

    Kevin to Bring Sexy Back

    Thought I'd share some [Kevin] action shots.

    Just don't try to loosen up my buttons! [those pants have a zipper] ;-D

    Tuesday, September 12, 2006

    U.S. Park Police Shoots Dog @ Dupont Circle on 9/11

    You read the headline right. I'll give you a run down of what happened:

    The shot was literally fired INSIDE Dupont Circle on the grass [crowd panics] dog flails into the air in pain [then witnesses whip out digital cameras to document the whole incident]

    The dog's owner was definitely a sketchball [I just hope that Park Police officer had a damn good reason to shoot it]

    [Washington Post Documentation]

    It was so sad. And I hate to say this [but you know it's true] If the owner had been some Georgetown yuppie [photo documentation] I feel like this chain of events would have ended differently.

    It's just sad.

    Your Homo In The City,

    Monday, September 11, 2006

    5 Years Later

    After my last post [which was written with a few too many margaritas] I wanted to touch on something a bit more serious today -- 9/11 and the families and lives impacted 5 years ago.

    [Wishing everyone my best today]

    Your Homo In The City,

    Friday, September 08, 2006

    DC Fashion Week To Make District Actual Fun City to Live In

    For all you Project Runway [see Tasty Treats] fans out there, I hope you're excited for the upcoming DC Fashion Week [web site] which runs from Sept. 24 - Oct. 1. I checked out their web site today -- and I must admit, it actually looks like a lot of fun!

    I figure I can dress up like Miranda Priestly [Devil Wears Prada] and swish my way around the fashion show -- maybe score some free clothing here and there [no wait, I don't have a 25" waist] -- ok, so maybe score some hot model hook-up action. Perhaps I'll entice them with pizza-- oh come on, you know they're on the cube of cheese diet...you know, [don't eat a thing -- and then when you feel like you're going to pass out, then just eat a cube of cheese] yay! \o/

    Kevin: Excitement for haute couture!
    Long-time roommate Peter: [what. DC fashion week? since when is DC fashionable?] This city's dull as rocks.
    Kevin: Since when is DC NOT fashionable?! Ever hear of [Annie Creamcheese] or Up Against the Wall? They're jeans only cost $800.

    And for those of who are fashion-inept [the tragically straight, Gay-publicans, anyone from the Commonwealth of Virginia, etc.], take it from Alex of MTV's [My Super Sweet 16] and I quote in her Michigan accent "Pehris is the fehshion capitol of the world." Yes, head there and fix your problems [and on behalf of the rest of us who have to see you when you walk downtown everyday...THANKS!] Ooo, FIESTY this morning!

    Speaking of Fashionistas, let's talk Paris Hilton's latest my "Stars Eyes are Blind" drama [video documentation]

    Favorite real news blurb about the brouhaha:

    For a high-profile heiress -- it’s “soooo not hot.” Paris Hilton may be reciting her favorite phrase today after facing the “Oh my gosh” reality that there’s no red carpet on the perp walk. -CNN's [Situation Room]

    "That's all" [Miranda Priestly] for now.

    Your Homo In The City,

    Wednesday, September 06, 2006

    New posts soon I promise.

    I'm in the midst of moving hell right now - hence the lack of witty posts as of late [but] I promise there will be some good ones coming soon.

    Here's some fodder I've been tossing around in the meantime:

  • Hook-ups who just say the most random things ever - my favorite mid-hook-up phrase so far Fuck me on the weekends Kevin, just fuck me on the weekends I mean [what do you say to that]

  • The latest Nightlife CoverBoy who is now tacked onto my fridge. My roommate says he has a case of the Gay Face - thoughts? [Photo Documentation] Definitely a cutie though!

  • The tranny fishies that were found swimming in the Potomac River - thus once again proving that bottled water is a worthwhile investment for all DC Metro Area residents [Photo Documentation]

  • And for all you college boys, this week's Facebook drama which is making national headlines [TIME article]

    More blogging to come when I actually get MY Internet set up and don't have to bum it off my neighbors.

    Your Homo In The City,

  • Friday, September 01, 2006

    UPDATE: Brew at the Zoo.

    So I was at the gym earlier this week and guess who I saw there?!

    Yes, no one other than the tanorexic Brad Pitt Metrosexual look-a-like [read as: pretend straight man] from Brew at the Zoo! Click here for [photo documentation]

    I may have to slap his ass with a towel next time I see him to guage his reaction. Strategically predicted outcomes:
    1) Pissed-off look in response to stimulus, punch to the face -> he's "straight"
    2) It moves to the shower. -> SCANDALOUS!

    Obviously, I'll keep you posted.

    Your Homo In The City,