Homo In The City was created to share the trials and tribulations of being a young, gay professional in the city of Washington, DC. Having been a Washingtonian now for enough time to call the city my home, you can look forward to biased content slandering gay Republicans, the Hill, DC Interns, those twinks who throw up after almost every meal, and those annoying 40-year-old men who insist on buying you a drink. Welcome to Homo In The City.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Changing of the Guard.

[Everyone always talks about how this city is so transient]

Well, it's now late August here in the District -- which means it's high time for this city to kick out the annoying summer interns of K Street [or Summer Associates as they call themselves -- and oh, they have the security badge to prove it] and welcome in the whole new slew of people who are equally as ecstatic to be living here.

The buzz of elections is in the air -- both local and Federal -- and with these changes, comes the shuffling of new people. Some of the new staffers we enjoy...while others [and ex-boyfriends for that matter], we wish would just flat-out leave this city sooner than later. No -- let's be honest, sometimes we wish they'd just leave the damn planet already!

How can you be so sure the change is in the air? Take a look around Northwest on any given weekday -- the Homos are hoppin' down the sidewalks to their iPods! I'm driving to work blasting my homo-music at ear-piercing levels -- and ohh my god -- I haven't seen that many attractive gay men on the streets of Georgetown U for the entire summer! Haha, well lucky me!

But despite how much I may despise this city's transient nature -- or the District in its entirety -- I have to admit, I do understand why they come: Washington DC is an excellent place to fast-track your career. Having gone to school here myself, interned on K Street and [vomit] worked with the Hill -- and now, moved on up in the private sector -- I know this city has presented me with loads of opportunity.

Someone close to me once said "DC is what you make of it" -- and it's something I think of on a daily basis.

I've met too many, snob-nosed Hill Rats who work like dogs for shitty pay for the sake of their precious title -- and far too many gay Republicans! [but we'll save that topic for a later date]

The point is, if you don't like certain aspects of DC (whether it be the Hill, politics, or this city's plastic people [photo documentation]) -- don't make them a part of your daily life -- or better yet, work as a consultant and clean up their silly mess ;-) God knows this city can always use more project management consultants with PMP certifications :-)

Opportunity certainly exists in this city. Thousands of Washingtonians network the SHIT out of this city on daily basis like they were banging a prostitute on their DEATH BED -- and just wanted to get some hot stripper ass before their last breath!

I.E. Have you ever gone out to Halo [photos] and not seen some pretentious homo hand out his business card to someone he's flirting with? [vomit again] Yea, I knew you felt a little vomit in your mouth last time you were there.

The bottom line: if you use and abuse the District like the one-night stand she is, don't expect to find much. But if you romance her -- and find the bits and pieces of the city that you do love -- she'll do good by you. You just have to let her.

Your Homo In The City,

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Nothing Beats Getting Drunk with the Pandas.

This past Thursday, I hit up Brew at the Zoo with two of my best friends. Hosted by the Smithsonian's Young Professional group -- [pause to take in full effect of that yuppie glory] -- the event featured beer from local microbreweries, h'ors d'oeuvres including Chiptole barbacoa tacos [pause for orgasm], and live music.

Basically you pay $60 to wait in line for your mug of beer to get filled up 1/3 of the way, wait in line some more, then wait in line while you drink your beer, until you're wasted -- and somehow all of that pays for the Pandas to eat bamboo and have their shit cleaned up. Quite a novel idea, right? Now, if you're truly a skilled Washingtonian young professional -- like myself -- you get into these sorts of events for free. Merci beaucoup Pierre! [Note to self: it pays to have friends who work for lobbyists]

So, I figured there would be a whole slew of Gabies at an event like this -- a socially-conscious, non-profit benefit with high-end beer -- I mean, it screams Homo Hop right? Well, apparently not. The whole time we're there, we're squinting to spot any possible Homos. Think, Where's Waldo when you're drunk -- but instead, Waldo is now mixed amongst all those damn DC Metrosexuals. Damnit! GAYDAR is not operational!

So instead of spotting the gay men, I amused myself by counting the number of Lacoste Polos I could spot in the crowd. Sadly, only 4. Damnit again! I could easily top that if I stood at Wisconsin and M for a mere 30 seconds!

After about 10, 1/3 mugs of beer, 2 Chipotle tacos, 1 piece of Tryst carrot cake, and 2 pretzels [no mustard], it was time to schlep the mile walk back to the Zoo's entrance and then the .5 mile walk back to the Metro. Yah, the Smithsonian bastards made you walk at least a mile just to get to the damn beer tents.

Now, if the walk was intended to sober up those who were driving or to help the beerfest attendees burn off all those carbs, we'll never know. But, all in all, the event was pretty fun -- and ultimately -- a success. I mean, they SOLD OUT and they even got some Homos to show up. For the record, if you ever get gay men to show up at your party -- or any event with a set time for that matter -- you know you've done well.

In other news, I got eye-fucked about 10 times when I was walking to the gym on Friday -- DESPITE wearing protection 100% of the time aka sunglasses. =P Just playing. Hope everyone had a great weekend!

Your Homo In The City,

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Homo In The City Launched.

In response to much peer pressure, I've finally caved and started a blog dedicated to the trials and tribulatiions of being a gay, young professional in this city we call Washington, DC.

Wondering if your metrosexual coworker with that TUMI messenger bag is gay -- or is he just fashion-forward? Do you get eye-fucked when you walk around town, or even when you're in the car stopped at a red light -- or in the Metro on your way to work when everyone is "reading their Express" -- but in reality, they're SECRETLY checking out everyone else's ass / ta-ta's / hoo-ha / ding-dong?? Do straight men confuse the hell outta you when they seem overly nice for no apparent reason?

Do you have a passion for Xavier Onasis Bloomingdale and the drag shows at Chaos -- or all that Madonna they play at 80's Night? How about those frozen pitchers of strawberry margaritas at Lauriol Plaza, tasty right? And isn't it funny when you leave Cobalt on a Saturday, hit up the McDonald's on 17th -- ya know, the GAY McDonald's -- and the music they're playing there is actually BETTER than what they were playing at the club? Do gay men who refuse to eat carbs but drink their weight in beer drive you just a LITTLE insane?

Well, you get the point.

You can look forward to plenty of those stories -- and ones lambasting, yes I actually USED that word, DC and all of the people in this city who, well frankly, just frost my ass.

This is what all the fuss is about.

Your Homo In The City,