Nothing Beats Getting Drunk with the Pandas.

This past Thursday, I hit up Brew at the Zoo with two of my best friends. Hosted by the Smithsonian's Young Professional group -- [pause to take in full effect of that yuppie glory] -- the event featured beer from local microbreweries, h'ors d'oeuvres including Chiptole barbacoa tacos [pause for orgasm], and live music.

Basically you pay $60 to wait in line for your mug of beer to get filled up 1/3 of the way, wait in line some more, then wait in line while you drink your beer, until you're wasted -- and somehow all of that pays for the Pandas to eat bamboo and have their shit cleaned up. Quite a novel idea, right? Now, if you're truly a skilled Washingtonian young professional -- like myself -- you get into these sorts of events for free. Merci beaucoup Pierre! [Note to self: it pays to have friends who work for lobbyists]

So, I figured there would be a whole slew of Gabies at an event like this -- a socially-conscious, non-profit benefit with high-end beer -- I mean, it screams Homo Hop right? Well, apparently not. The whole time we're there, we're squinting to spot any possible Homos. Think, Where's Waldo when you're drunk -- but instead, Waldo is now mixed amongst all those damn DC Metrosexuals. Damnit! GAYDAR is not operational!

So instead of spotting the gay men, I amused myself by counting the number of Lacoste Polos I could spot in the crowd. Sadly, only 4. Damnit again! I could easily top that if I stood at Wisconsin and M for a mere 30 seconds!

After about 10, 1/3 mugs of beer, 2 Chipotle tacos, 1 piece of Tryst carrot cake, and 2 pretzels [no mustard], it was time to schlep the mile walk back to the Zoo's entrance and then the .5 mile walk back to the Metro. Yah, the Smithsonian bastards made you walk at least a mile just to get to the damn beer tents.

Now, if the walk was intended to sober up those who were driving or to help the beerfest attendees burn off all those carbs, we'll never know. But, all in all, the event was pretty fun -- and ultimately -- a success. I mean, they SOLD OUT and they even got some Homos to show up. For the record, if you ever get gay men to show up at your party -- or any event with a set time for that matter -- you know you've done well.

In other news, I got eye-fucked about 10 times when I was walking to the gym on Friday -- DESPITE wearing protection 100% of the time aka sunglasses. =P Just playing. Hope everyone had a great weekend!

Your Homo In The City,
Kevin