Homo In The City was created to share the trials and tribulations of being a young, gay professional in the city of Washington, DC. Having been a Washingtonian now for enough time to call the city my home, you can look forward to biased content slandering gay Republicans, the Hill, DC Interns, those twinks who throw up after almost every meal, and those annoying 40-year-old men who insist on buying you a drink. Welcome to Homo In The City.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Nothing Beats Getting Drunk with the Pandas.

This past Thursday, I hit up Brew at the Zoo with two of my best friends. Hosted by the Smithsonian's Young Professional group -- [pause to take in full effect of that yuppie glory] -- the event featured beer from local microbreweries, h'ors d'oeuvres including Chiptole barbacoa tacos [pause for orgasm], and live music.

Basically you pay $60 to wait in line for your mug of beer to get filled up 1/3 of the way, wait in line some more, then wait in line while you drink your beer, until you're wasted -- and somehow all of that pays for the Pandas to eat bamboo and have their shit cleaned up. Quite a novel idea, right? Now, if you're truly a skilled Washingtonian young professional -- like myself -- you get into these sorts of events for free. Merci beaucoup Pierre! [Note to self: it pays to have friends who work for lobbyists]

So, I figured there would be a whole slew of Gabies at an event like this -- a socially-conscious, non-profit benefit with high-end beer -- I mean, it screams Homo Hop right? Well, apparently not. The whole time we're there, we're squinting to spot any possible Homos. Think, Where's Waldo when you're drunk -- but instead, Waldo is now mixed amongst all those damn DC Metrosexuals. Damnit! GAYDAR is not operational!

So instead of spotting the gay men, I amused myself by counting the number of Lacoste Polos I could spot in the crowd. Sadly, only 4. Damnit again! I could easily top that if I stood at Wisconsin and M for a mere 30 seconds!

After about 10, 1/3 mugs of beer, 2 Chipotle tacos, 1 piece of Tryst carrot cake, and 2 pretzels [no mustard], it was time to schlep the mile walk back to the Zoo's entrance and then the .5 mile walk back to the Metro. Yah, the Smithsonian bastards made you walk at least a mile just to get to the damn beer tents.

Now, if the walk was intended to sober up those who were driving or to help the beerfest attendees burn off all those carbs, we'll never know. But, all in all, the event was pretty fun -- and ultimately -- a success. I mean, they SOLD OUT and they even got some Homos to show up. For the record, if you ever get gay men to show up at your party -- or any event with a set time for that matter -- you know you've done well.

In other news, I got eye-fucked about 10 times when I was walking to the gym on Friday -- DESPITE wearing protection 100% of the time aka sunglasses. =P Just playing. Hope everyone had a great weekend!

Your Homo In The City,


Anonymous hetero in the city said...

Hey Kevin! I have the dubious honor of being the first one to post to your blog. I'm a straight, 30 something married guy with kids, and loved your blog. I do have gay friends, however (hmmmm....does that somehow preclude me from being a homophobe? I think not). Anyway, I hate shit miserable hellhole we call our capital. Keep up the good work, and I look forward to reading you.......

Straight Guy

1:20 PM

Blogger Matt said...

Hey, man. I'm definately not a homo... anywhere, but I was amused by the $60 cup of beer.

My African American friend once gave me advice--this is how black people prepare for the club. You drink your Jack in the car beforehand and maybe even sneak some in to mix with your $5 Pepsi or whatever.

Shortcuts. Take 'em when you can.

7:24 PM


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